16 When David finished saying this, Saul asked, “Is that your voice, David my son?”

And he wept aloud. 17 “You are more righteous than I,” he said. “You have treated me

well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me about the good you did

to me; the Lord delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man

finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the Lord reward you well for

the way you treated me today.

When we finally get to verses 16 through 19 in this section of the conflict between Saul

and David, we are tempted to view the tension between these two leaders as being

resolved. After all, Saul freely confesses to David “You have treated me well, but I have

treated you badly.” In fact, Saul even compares his moral compass to David’s and

exclaims that David is more righteous than he is. Time to celebrate, right? Time to kill

the fattened calf, bring out the best wine and celebrate the reconciliation of these two

prominent figures in Israel…right?

Unfortunately, what we see at this point between Saul and David is not “peace.” Instead,

what we see here is what we so often settle for in our own relationships when there is

intense conflict, which is “false peace.” In other words, this is a momentary pause from

verbal and/or physical conflict without actually having dealt with the underlying issues

that are driving resentment, fear, mis-trust and insecurity between these two men. Not

once does Saul explicitly ask for forgiveness. Not once does Saul speak honestly about

the specific ways in which he has alienated David or attempted to kill him.

There is no true repentance. In fact, Saul’s statement of being “less righteous” is

something that couples will often do in conflict which is called “playing the martyr.” We

play the martyr to shut down the conversation by simply saying “we are the worst” which

is a back handed attempt to avoid taking responsibility for change. It sounds humble

and remorseful but, in reality, it’s insincere, unkind and petty. Conflict in a fallen world is

not only inevitable but it is necessary for our sanctification. The question is whether or

not we will pursue “peace” or if we will simply settle for the fools gold of “false peace.”



Q: What relationships in your life are marked by “false peace?” When you hurt someone

do you simply say “I’m sorry” or do you explicitly ask them “will you forgive me for (the

particular action)?” There is a major difference between these two responses! One

leads to peace, the other to false peace.

By Jimmy Carter